Absinthe

the ritual

Of course, nothing anyone will say can dissuade you once you're determined to get some of that Green Fairy poontang. To do it right, you will need a few things in addition to the hooch itself: some cold water, sugar cubes, an absinthe glass, and an absinthe spoon.

• 
  Fill your glass with absinthe up to the marked fill line.
  Lay the spoon flat across the mouth of the glass.
  Position a sugar cube over the slots in the spoon.
  Slowly trickle water over the sugar cube and into the glass. With the introduction of water, the mixture will turn milky as the various oils and aromatics precipitate out of solution. (See? Chemistry class was useful.)
  After your sugar cube has finished doing its impression of an eroding urinal cake, continue adding water until you reach your preferred strength. The most popular ratio of absinthe to water is somewhere around 1:5.
  When you're ready, remove the spoon and take a sip.
  Then, in your best Jackie Gleason voice, interject: "MMMM, THAT'S GOOD ABSINTHE!"